I can't tell you how many times people assume that just because I'm in a fake band, I am not a real musician. For the record, everyone in RATHBONE is, in fact, musically inclined. I really do sing, Femmetroll really plays violin, and Axe is... well... we love Axe...
You want more proof? I'm starving and my liver is simultaneously dying slowly of alcohol poisoning. That's right -- keep that in mind and try telling me I'm not an artist, asshole.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: being in a fake band is one of the best moves a musician can make. Without things like practicing, traveling to gigs, and actually playing gigs getting in the way, I can really enjoy my rock star lifestyle in ways most artists only dream of. Hey, sex, drugs and rock n' roll -- take out one and you have time for the other two, am I right?!
But there is a downside to being in RATHBONE -- not a big one, mind you, but a downside nonetheless... And that is, we often find ourselves broker than the ten commandments.
All of you reading this are no doubt familiar with Cyx's post last week, and the tragedy that befell WURSTALBUM's North American debut (I hear, however, the option of selling rancid meat might improve our financial outlook in Kyrgyzstan... so the release date in the Kyrgyz Republic is, as of this posting, unchanged). I'm not going to lie -- we really needed the money that would have come from that sector. But you know what? Making it as a band requires you get creative, and not just with your music... Or in our case, lack of music...
As frontman and co-founder of this project, I can say we’ve been through much worse. The time we were throwing around the idea of using a live narwhal as a stage prop was probably the biggest low point of our otherwise highly successful career. Who knew the damn things needed water and couldn’t survive being shipped from Norway in crates? But hell, I like to think we made the best of that nasty, smelly, and quite expensive endeavor by gutting the carcass to make a really big sleeping bag for four people, and using the horn as a sweet light saber. It’ll be the same this time, I’m sure. Ice-cube sandwiches can be quite tasty and I challenge anyone to come up with a more economical way to feed the masses who make the magic of RATHBONE happen. In closing, I’ll say that if you’re reading this, and you yourself are in a band, keep your head held high, no matter what. Stuff like this is, after all, just part of the life we signed up for. Oh—and don’t act like you’re not envious.
Your band probably sucks, anyway.
Hail the Whale,
DB
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