I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but really, that was part of my contract as frontman; to be the one who has to come out on stage and tell people we can't play because we're all too toasted on ether and such... Of anyone in this band, I like to think I was chosen for this venture because I clearly have enough dexterity to dodge the bottles and knives and small Buicks lobbed at me after delivering such messages... And it wasn't because nothing of value would be lost, should one of them land a fatal blow to my skull.
Speaking of contracts -- onto that bad news I promised: It seems a full 99% of our group has spontaneously combusted. At least, that's what Zeng tells us. She's adamant it wasn't a covert government funded plot to annihilate RATHBONE or anything. Still, a good 6,000+ of us are dead. Burnt to a crisp with no explanation. I saw some of the bodies, myself, and I have to give it to the fire that randomly ate most of my band... the remains were remarkably intact. I asked Zeng why that was, and why some of the corpses were littered with bullet holes, but she said I shouldn't worry about that. Clean burn equals quick and painless death, right?
Anyway, our violinist had to find new digs as she felt that all of us living together was tempting fate too much for these horrible spontaneous human combustion accidents that totally weren't brutal murders, to strike again en masse here at the RATHOUSE in Columbus... So Becky has taken a cue from Guns N' Roses, and moved herself into one of those portable storage thingies. I hear it's nice and very metuhl!!!At last glance, we were back down to under 10 members. I realize that's still enough to create a respectable band, but only barely by my standards. Cutting the cost of transporting thousands of musicians will certainly help out in the long run... still...
I miss our dozen-man troupe of synchronized chainsaw jugglers, already. RATHBONE won't be the same without them...
Hail the Whale,
DB
hail the whale
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